A collection of the funniest jokes and one-liners on the internet. From puns to satire, we have something for everyone. Get ready to laugh out loud!
Wednesday, 8 September 2021
Unique Hospital
I have a pain in my eye
Monday, 30 August 2021
Who should brew the coffee
Sunday, 15 August 2021
Can i have a dog for Christmas
Tuesday, 10 August 2021
Mom, look at my drawing
Friday, 6 August 2021
Big People Words
Time passes!!
Wednesday, 21 July 2021
Don't be nervous, boy!!
Saturday, 10 July 2021
5 ways for man to be happy with women
Sunday, 27 June 2021
I wake up at 8:30
Itemized Bill of Orrhopedic Surgeon
Saturday, 26 June 2021
Something wrong with Eyes.
Friday, 18 June 2021
Once upon a time!!
Intelligent Doctor
Funny Marriage Jokes
Thursday, 17 June 2021
You have a cute baby
Tuesday, 15 June 2021
Doctors on a mission
What is an Idiot?
What happens when you invite a friend for supper
No More Kids
5 things Indian Movies teach us
Monday, 14 June 2021
5 things American Movies Teach Us
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.
Who said that english is easy?
Online Shopping
National Lottery Draw
Sunday, 13 June 2021
Story of Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody
Friday, 11 June 2021
Class on Ethics
Got a 'F' in Arithmetic
why can't coffee shops spell correctly
I Should Have
Thursday, 10 June 2021
Time to join English Speaking Course
Wicked Ladies
Wednesday, 9 June 2021
Stupid Students
You're Next
Mandela Treatment
Types of Salaries
Tuesday, 8 June 2021
Getting Married
This is husband speaking
Evolution of Human Race
Monday, 7 June 2021
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time
Buy Yourself Something Nice
Potato Bag Strength
Sunday, 6 June 2021
Whatโs the WiโFi password?
Reason to Buy Painting
Brother Sister Pulling Hairs
Saturday, 5 June 2021
Why did you eat the Baby?
Who Says Men Don't Remember
Learning to write
Mother: What did you learn in school today?
I know your secret
Lie Detector Robot
He isnโt our frankie
Boy goes to strip club?
Friday, 4 June 2021
Now we run
Mind your own business
Are bugs good to eat
Half Sisters and Half Brother
Thursday, 3 June 2021
Grandmaโs hairs are white
Dumbest kid in the world
Mommy ate the Baby
Fishing with Daddy
What MOM stands for?
The First 3 Years of Marriage
Small Donation
Wednesday, 2 June 2021
Today is a fine day.
Wife Wanted
Tuesday, 1 June 2021
How do you catch a polar bear?
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.
Two Ducks !!
Monday, 31 May 2021
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went to camping!!
Watson replied: โI see millions and millions of stars.โ
Wake Up Honey!
Daddy, What is sex?
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, โMom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.โ
Is he Dead?
Something Unusual with Platoon
Saturday, 29 May 2021
Intelligent Wife
Anger Management
Consequences of American life style
Golden Anniversary Fun
A civilized fight between husband & wife
Friday, 28 May 2021
Dentistโs Visit
Cheating Husband
A Perfect Compliment
Wife's Best Book
My wife missed the bus
Meaning of Dreams
How to remember wifeโs birthday
Couple Pulled over by Police
I am Ugly?
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐๐๐
Chocolate Store Magic
A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store.
As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can't beat that."
The engineer replied, "Okay, you wanna see something better? Let's go back to the store and I'll show you real stealing."
So they both went up to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, "Hey, would you like to see some magic?"
The shop boy replied, "Yes!"
The engineer said, "Give me one chocolate bar."
The shop boy asked, "Okay, what are you trying to pull here? Where's the magic?"
The engineer replied, "Check in my friend's pocket. You'll find all three bars."
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐๐๐
A Lawyer Tries To Trick A Chinese Doctor Into Giving Him $100
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐๐๐
Meaning of Wife
Compassionate Billy!!
General Equations & Statistics
Thursday, 27 May 2021
Expiry Date
Bloddy English Language
Prescription to Kill!!
Wife won the argument
Still paying for Marriage
Good and Bad News
Wednesday, 26 May 2021
Elephant and Duck Joke
Tuesday, 25 May 2021
Two weasels at Bar
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.
One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad youโre drunk."
Joke for science minded people only
Russians used pencil!!
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300ยฐC.
The Russians used a pencil.
Sunday, 23 May 2021
Farts never smell and are always silent.
"Doctor, I have this problem with farts, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says,
"I don't know what medicine you gave me, but now my gas..... although still silent... smells terrible."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses (Smelling Sense), let's work on your hearing."
Saturday, 22 May 2021
Wedding Service
Mill attended his first wedding service with his brother Daniel.
After the service Daniel asked him: How many women do you think a man can marry?
Mill: Sixteen. Daniel was surprised as to how he answered so fast and confidently, then he asked why he said sixteen.
Mill: So simple! All you just have to do is add everything up, the pastor said โFour better, four worse, four richer, four poor.โ
What is Desert?
Mill is back from school, tired and hungry.
Mother: Mill, what were you taught at school today?
Mill: Agriculture.
Mother: Wow! What topic is that?
Mill: Deserts.
Mother: What is a desert?
Mill: A desert is a barren area of land where grasses or plants hardly grow.
Mother: Good boy, can you give an example?
Mill: Daddyโs head is a good example.
The Bottle Ground
Itโs Mine !!
An army officer serving in an insurgency area was home on leave.
Once while resting, he heard his two children scream, โItโs mine! Itโs mine!โ
He jumped out of his bed, dashed towards them and shouted, โDonโt step on it! Let me defuse it first!โ
Atheist Friend
My friend Robin was constantly criticised by his devout Christian family for not going to church.
They were all taken aback when, on hearing about the huge fire at a local church,
Robin folded his hands in prayer, closed his eyes and said,
"Thank you, Lord, for making me an atheist."
Friday, 21 May 2021
HIV Test
Mike went for HIV test in a hospital on Thursday and he was told to come back on Monday for the result.
When he got to church on Sunday, the pastor then declared to the people that: โEverything you are looking forward to this coming week shall be positive!โ
Mike jumped to his feet and yelled aloud โI reject it in Jesus name! Mine must be negativeee!!!
Why were deaths happening at 11 AM?
So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
Just when the clock struck 11, Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
Difference between Fly & Bird
Mill: What is the different between a bird and a fly?
Rob: A fly canโt bird but a bird can fly.
The Second One
Mill was very dull in class and everyone knows that.
One day the teacher asked:
Teacher: Who succeeded the first president of Russia?
Mill: The second one.
โฆ The teacher faintedโฆ
Policeman and a Boy
A police man caught a boy red handed with a penknife and a squirrel in his hand, then the following conversation occurred between them:
Policeman: Whatever you do to that innocent creature is what I shall do to you and I'm serious about what I'm saying.
The boy: I shall give the squirrel a lot of chocolates and biscuit and finally give it all my money and set it free and let it go.
Punished for What I Didnโt Do
One day a boy came home crying profusely and angrily walked in.
His mother asked what happened and asked him why he was so angry and crying.
The boy replied โI got punished for what I didnโt do!!โ
Mother: Really, what is it that you didnโt do and was beaten for?
The boy: My homework.
โฆthe mother faintedโฆ
Make Up
Mill: why did Rob put lipstick on his head? What's that for?
Rob: So that he could MAKE UP his mind.
Reality Check
Mill went to a shop to buy a toy. When he got there he selected a nice toy car then later headed to the cashier desk and gave the cashier money-cards from monopoly game as the money to pay for the car. Then the following conversation ensued between them
Cashier: Hey! Are you stupid? This isnโt real money! Itโs a money-card from monopoly.
The boy (Mill): You are stupid sir! The car is not real either.
Cleaning Service
A man is dying in the hospital and was surrounded by his two sons, his wife and a female nurse.
Then he said to the eldest son โTo you, PAUL, I leave the apartment block in North Leon. To you, ANDREW, being my youngest son with a brighter future, I leave the city centre Offices. And you, my dear wife, I leave the three bedroom residential building at Tabatha Tower.โ
The nurse was very impressed and she tells the wife: โWOW, your husband is very rich madam. He has so many properties he left behind for you all so as to ease your standard of leaving when he is finally gone. You are all so lucky!โ
The wife replied โRich or what do you just said? Lucky or what do you added? Our whole family works for a cleaning company. Those are his job schedule services. He shared all his job schedules among us. So watch what you say madam!!!