Don't be nervous, boy!!

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon.

Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son: 

"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

What is an Idiot?

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

I know your secret

Two boys were talking and one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."

The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied,

"Tell people you know their secret.", the other boy said.

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!".

The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"

The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."

The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"

The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

🤣🤣😂😂😂

Fishing with Daddy

Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.

"Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away." 

"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off." 

"But that's just what I did, mommy."

😂😂😂😂

Daddy, What is sex?

 An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

Still paying for Marriage

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Two weasels at Bar

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.

One starts to insult the other one.

He screams, "I slept with your mother!"

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."