5 ways for man to be happy with women

5 ways for man to be happy with women:

1. Be with a women who makes you laugh😆

2. Be with a women who gives you her time🕧

3. Be with a women who takes care of you👫

4. Be with a women who really loves you😘

5. Finally, make sure these four women don’t know each other! 🤣😂😂

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Funny Marriage Jokes

Some Marriage's Insights:

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

About 30 pounds.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.

Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman.

Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

What happens when you invite a friend for supper

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

I Should Have

WIFE: I should have married the devil. Even he would make a better husband than you.

HUSBAND: But honey, marriage between relatives is illegal.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time

A wife asks her husband, Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?

He replied, They had avocados.

(If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time).

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Who Says Men Don't Remember

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."

He replied, "Well, I'm in the bar next door."

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

He isn’t our frankie

Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife,

"He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?"

"No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."

😂😂😂😂

Today is a fine day.

Husband to wife: Today is a fine day.

Next day he says: Today is a fine day.

Again next day, he says same thing: Today is a fine day.

Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband: Since one week, you are saying this 'Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter?

Husband: Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day.' I was just trying to remind you.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Wife Wanted

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

🤣🤣🤣

Wake Up Honey!

A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. 

Instead they were writing notes back and forth.

One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.”

When he woke up the next morning it was 9.

He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her.

On the pillow was a note that said, “Wake up Honey, it’s 6!”

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Golden Anniversary Fun

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary.

The wife Said, "Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got Married."

He did.

"Now kiss me the way you used to..."

"Now darling, bite me the way you used to."

At this point the husband got out of bed and started walking towards table.

 wife said, "Where are you going dear?"

"To get my teeth, dear," the husband replied.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Cheating Husband

A husband came home from work and his wife slapped him. "What was that about?" he cried.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants last night with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said, steaming. "You'd better have a damned good explanation."

"Calm down, honey," he replied. "Remember last week when I went to the races? Mary Lou was one of the horses I bet on, that's all."

The next day when he came home from work, his wife slapped him again.

"Now what?" he cried.

"This morning, your horse called!"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

A Perfect Compliment

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s perfect, Darling!!”

My wife missed the bus

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.

Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.

When asked he replied miserably...

"My wife missed the bus"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Meaning of Dreams

Dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day.

What do you think it means?"

"Maybe you’ll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it

- to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Couple Pulled over by Police

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! 

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂