I wake up at 8:30

"Please help me doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7!"

"But that is a very healthy thing, Mr. Richards!"

"It would be, if I didn't usually wake up at 8:30!"

Itemized Bill of Orrhopedic Surgeon

A well known, rich business man's wife broke her hip. 

The business man got the best orthopedic surgeon in town to do the operation, which consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it.

The operation went smoothly, and the doctor sent the businessman a bill for $5,000 for his services.

The business man, outraged at the high price, sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. 

The doctor responded to the letter with the following:

 

1 Screw: $1.00 Knowing how to put it in: $4,999

Total: $5,000

The business man never argued.

😂😂😂😂

Something wrong with Eyes.

“Doctor, I think there’s something wrong with my eyes.”

“I think so too. This is a post office.”

Once upon a time!!

Patient: I'm afraid I've caught poetry.

Doctor: Don't worry, I used to suffer from short stories.

Patient: Really?When?

Doctor: Once upon a time.

Intelligent Doctor

My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!

Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.

Funny Marriage Jokes

Some Marriage's Insights:

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

About 30 pounds.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.

Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman.

Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

You have a cute baby

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."

The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"

The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

😂😂😂😂😂