Unique Hospital

The queen of England was visiting one of America's top hospitals, and during her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

'Oh my god!', said the Queen, 'That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???'

The doctor leading the tour explains, 'I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't ejaculate five times a day, his testicles would quite literally explode and he would most likely die instantly.'

'Oh, I am sorry' said the Queen.

The tour continued on the next floor of the hospital. After walking past several rooms, they passed an open door where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

'Oh my God!' said the Queen, 'What's happening in there?'

The Doctor replied, 'Same problem, better health plan.'

I have a pain in my eye

"Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."

"Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."