Don’t Trust Atoms

 Don’t trust Atoms.

They make up everything.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went to camping!!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there.  And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Wake Up Honey!

A married couple had gotten into an argument and for many days had not been talking to each other. 

Instead they were writing notes back and forth.

One evening the husband walked up to the wife and handed her a note that said, “Wake me up tomorrow at 6 in the morning.”

When he woke up the next morning it was 9.

He immediately got angry with his wife and turned around to speak to her.

On the pillow was a note that said, “Wake up Honey, it’s 6!”

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Which day of the week do fish hate?

 Which day of the week do fish hate?

....... Fry-Day.

Daddy, What is sex?

 An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

Is he Dead?

Michael Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there.

Peter Sellers: Oh, is he dead?

Michael Bentine: I think so.

Peter Sellers: Hadn’t you better make sure?

Michael Bentine: Alright. Just a minute.

Sound of two gun shots.

Michael Bentine: He’s dead.

Something Unusual with Platoon

 At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on.

He asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil’s wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”

“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation.

“There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

Intelligent Wife

An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Cant Afford Another Women

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Anger Management

Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet seat... 

Husband: How does it help ?

Wife: I use your toothbrush!

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Consequences of American life style

Consequences of American life style:

The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Golden Anniversary Fun

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary.

The wife Said, "Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got Married."

He did.

"Now kiss me the way you used to..."

"Now darling, bite me the way you used to."

At this point the husband got out of bed and started walking towards table.

 wife said, "Where are you going dear?"

"To get my teeth, dear," the husband replied.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

A civilized fight between husband & wife

A civilized fight between husband & wife...

Wife: Twinkle Twinkle little star, you should know what YOU are And once YOU know what YOU are Then the Mental hospital is'nt so far.

Husband: The rain makes all things beautiful The grass & flowers too If rain makes all things beautiful, Why doesn't it rain on YOU?

Wife: Roses are red Violets are blue Monkeys like YOU should be kept in zoo.

Husband: Don't feel so angry YOU will find me there too, Not in cage but laughing at YOU.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Dentist’s Visit

A man and his wife entered a dentist’s office.

The wife said,  "I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want any anaesthetics because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You’re a brave woman," said the dentist.

"Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turned to her husband and said, 

"Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

Cheating Husband

A husband came home from work and his wife slapped him. "What was that about?" he cried.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants last night with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said, steaming. "You'd better have a damned good explanation."

"Calm down, honey," he replied. "Remember last week when I went to the races? Mary Lou was one of the horses I bet on, that's all."

The next day when he came home from work, his wife slapped him again.

"Now what?" he cried.

"This morning, your horse called!"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

A Perfect Compliment

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s perfect, Darling!!”

Wife's Best Book

When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?

She answers: My husband's cheque book.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

My wife missed the bus

A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors.

Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks.

When asked he replied miserably...

"My wife missed the bus"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Meaning of Dreams

Dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day.

What do you think it means?"

"Maybe you’ll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it

- to find a book entitled:"The Meaning of Dreams."

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

How to remember wife’s birthday

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Couple Pulled over by Police

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! 

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

I am Ugly?

PATIENT: Doctor! I'm I ugly?

DOCTOR: You're not ugly.

PATIENT: But everybody says I'm ugly!

DOCTOR: Listen, you are not ugly!

PATIENT: I know I'm ugly.

DOCTOR: You look like a fine, strong looking man.

PATIENT: But I'm a woman.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Chocolate Store Magic

A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store. 

As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.

As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can't beat that."

The engineer replied, "Okay, you wanna see something better? Let's go back to the store and I'll show you real stealing."

So they both went up to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, "Hey, would you like to see some magic?"

The shop boy replied, "Yes!"

The engineer said, "Give me one chocolate bar."

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it...

He asked for the second, and he ate that one as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shop boy asked, "Okay, what are you trying to pull here? Where's the magic?"

The engineer replied, "Check in my friend's pocket. You'll find all three bars."
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

A Lawyer Tries To Trick A Chinese Doctor Into Giving Him $100

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads

"GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"

Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Meaning of Wife

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? 

It means "Without Information, Fighting Everytime!"

WIFE says: No darling , it means "With Idiot For Ever"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Compassionate Billy!!

 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Billy stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you are stupid."

Little Billy:  "No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

General Equations & Statistics

General equations & statistics

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Expiry Date

A wife to her husband: "Honey, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading our marriage certificate."

"What for?"

"Im looking for the expiry date..."

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Bloddy English Language

Husband texts to wife on cell: Hi, what are you doing Darling?

Wife: Im dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types Sweet Heart, how can I live without You?

Wife: You idiot! Im dying my hair.

Husband: Bloody English Language!

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Prescription to Kill!!

This woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks "What for?"

She says "I want to kill my husband".

He says "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Wife won the argument

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Still paying for Marriage

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?

Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 

Good and Bad News

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.

'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.

The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 

'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?'

The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

Elephant and Duck Joke

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

Two weasels at Bar

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.

One starts to insult the other one.

He screams, "I slept with your mother!"

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."

Joke for science minded people only

 An atom walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he's seen his missing electron.

"Are you sure she's missing", asks the bartender.

"I'm positive", replies the atom. 

The Head

 What do you call a teacher with no arms, no legs and no body?

The Head.

Russians used pencil!!

 When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. 

The Russians used a pencil.

Farts never smell and are always silent.

 A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor, I have this problem with farts, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was passing gas because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says,

"I don't know what medicine you gave me, but now my gas..... although still silent... smells terrible."

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses (Smelling Sense), let's work on your hearing."

Wedding Service

Mill attended his first wedding service with his brother Daniel.

After the service Daniel asked him: How many women do you think a man can marry?

Mill: Sixteen. Daniel was surprised as to how he answered so fast and confidently, then he asked why he said sixteen.

Mill: So simple! All you just have to do is add everything up, the pastor said “Four better, four worse, four richer, four poor.”

What is Desert?

 Mill is back from school, tired and hungry.

Mother: Mill, what were you taught at school today?

Mill: Agriculture.

Mother: Wow! What topic is that?

Mill: Deserts.

Mother: What is a desert?

Mill: A desert is a barren area of land where grasses or plants hardly grow. 

Mother: Good boy, can you give an example?

Mill: Daddy’s head is a good example.

The Bottle Ground

Army Officers were renovating their officers’ mess and wanted to give appropriate names for the dining room, cards room, lounge and bar.

While most of them had routine names, worth mentioning is the bar which was finally christened ‘The Bottle Ground’.

It’s Mine !!

 An army officer serving in an insurgency area was home on leave.

Once while resting, he heard his two children scream, “It’s mine! It’s mine!”

He jumped out of his bed, dashed towards them and shouted, “Don’t step on it! Let me defuse it first!”

Atheist Friend

My friend Robin was constantly criticised by his devout Christian family for not going to church.

They were all taken aback when, on hearing about the huge fire at a local church,

Robin folded his hands in prayer, closed his eyes and said,

"Thank you, Lord, for making me an atheist." 

HIV Test

 Mike went for HIV test in a hospital on Thursday and he was told to come back on Monday for the result.

When he got to church on Sunday, the pastor then declared to the people that: “Everything you are looking forward to this coming week shall be positive!”

Mike jumped to his feet and yelled aloud “I reject it in Jesus name! Mine must be negativeee!!!

Why were deaths happening at 11 AM?

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 AM regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.

No one could solve the mystery..... as to:  Why were deaths happening at 11 AM?

So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. 

So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.

Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil.

Just when the clock struck 11, Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Difference between Fly & Bird

 Mill: What is the different between a bird and a fly?

Rob: A fly can’t bird but a bird can fly.

The Second One

 Mill was very dull in class and everyone knows that.

One day the teacher asked:

Teacher: Who succeeded the first president of Russia?

Mill: The second one.

 … The teacher fainted…

Policeman and a Boy

 A police man caught a boy red handed with a penknife and a squirrel in his hand, then the following conversation occurred between them: 

Policeman: Whatever you do to that innocent creature is what I shall do to you and I'm serious about what I'm saying.

The boy: I shall give the squirrel a lot of chocolates and biscuit and finally give it all my money and set it free and let it go.

Punished for What I Didn’t Do

 One day a boy came home crying profusely and angrily walked in.

His mother asked what happened and asked him why he was so angry and crying.

The boy replied “I got punished for what I didn’t do!!”

Mother: Really, what is it that you didn’t do and was beaten for?

The boy: My homework. 

…the mother fainted…

Make Up

 Mill: why did Rob put lipstick on his head? What's that for?

Rob: So that he could MAKE UP his mind.

Reality Check

 Mill went to a shop to buy a toy. When he got there he selected a nice toy car then later headed to the cashier desk and gave the cashier money-cards from monopoly game as the money to pay for the car. Then the following conversation ensued between them

Cashier: Hey! Are you stupid? This isn’t real money! It’s a money-card from monopoly.

The boy (Mill): You are stupid sir! The car is not real either.

Cleaning Service

 A man is dying in the hospital and was surrounded by his two sons, his wife and a female nurse.

Then he said to the eldest son “To you, PAUL, I leave the apartment block in North Leon. To you, ANDREW, being my youngest son with a brighter future, I leave the city centre Offices. And you, my dear wife, I leave the three bedroom residential building at Tabatha Tower.”

The nurse was very impressed and she tells the wife: “WOW, your husband is very rich madam. He has so many properties he left behind for you all so as to ease your standard of leaving when he is finally gone. You are all so lucky!”

The wife replied “Rich or what do you just said? Lucky or what do you added? Our whole family works for a cleaning company. Those are his job schedule services. He shared all his job schedules among us. So watch what you say madam!!!

Parachute

 Rob: Buy this particular parachute and land safely on the ground during emergency or when an aircraft is about to crash.

Customer: Have seen many fake parachutes thou, What if the parachute doesn’t opens when needed?

Rob: If it doesn’t, then you will have your money back anytime we see again, I promise.

England

Teacher: Rob, go to the map and find England on it.

Rob: (Searched thoroughly and finally found it on the map) Here it is.

Teacher: You can go and sit down, Now John, who discovered England?

John: Rob!!

Sugar Free

 Rob walk into a big mall to get himself an orange juice and sugar, so he paid for the juice and walk out with sugar in his hand.

He was arrested for stealing sugar and charged to court for stealing and not paying for the sugar:

JUDGE: Why do you steal the sugar? Rob: I didn’t steal any sugar, I'm with my senses and can’t be cheated, I bought the orange juice and paid, and on the bottle of the orange juice was written “SUGAR FREE”, so I took the free sugar along with me. Do you think I don’t know what I'm doing?

Go and Hide

Grandpa: Rob, your teacher is coming towards the house, go and hide yourself since you have not been to school for two days now.

Rob: I told my teacher my grandpa is dead and I won’t be coming to school for two days, so you rather go and hide so that he won’t think he saw a ghost.

The grandpa fainted…

No Body and No Nose

Teacher: Mill, what do you call a person having NO BODY and a NOSE

Mill: NOBODY KNOWS…

May God Punish My Principal

 Mill was caught red handed by his school principal writing on the wall “MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL”

Principal: (about to slap his face) what rubbish are you writing?”

Mill: Ma! I'm not done writing what I'm writing.

Principal: (very angry) What are you saying, you were insulting me and still telling me you are not done insulting me yet!

Mill: This is not what I wanted to write, please don’t misquote me ma! Principal: So what were you trying to write?

Mill: I wanted to write ‘MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL’S ENEMIES’

Future Tense

English teacher: “I killed a man”, convert it to future tense.

John: “you will rot in jail”

The War

 Teacher instructed the class to write a composition.

TEACHER’S QUESTION: Assume you were in a war, write a story on your experience at the war battle?

Teacher then later noticed ROB did not write anything, so she got surprised and asked him: Why aren’t you writing anything?

ROB: I was killed instantly at the beginning of the war!!

High School

Two madmen determined and planned to go to school, so they collected old books and went ahead to sit under a tree, they took the tree as their school, they visit the tree everyday and took it as their school.

 So one day, one of them came early and climbed the tree, when the other one came, he saw him on the tree and asked: what are you doing up there?

The other one replied: I'm now in high school!

Christian Dog!!

A man came to his pastor and tells him about his dead dog, the following conversation occurred:

Man: Pastor! My dog is dead. Could there be a funeral service for my dear dog?

Pastor: NO! It’s not possible to have funeral service for animals in the church! It’s a taboo!!!

Man: Okay, but do you think they will accept a donation of $400,000 for the burial service at Donald’s multipurpose hall?

Pastor was in shock… “OH MY GOD!! Why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Christian? The church can be used for Christian animals too.”

A QUESTION OF SALARY

Santa was filling up an application form for a job.

He was not sure as to what to put in the column ‘Salary Expected’.

 After much thought he wrote : ‘Yes, please.”

Kashmir and Pakistan Joke

 “A representative from India at the UN Assembly began his address thus:

‘Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named.

When Rishi Kashyap struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, “What a good opportunity to have a bath.” 

He took off his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. 

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. 

A Pakistani had stolen them.

The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are you talking about?

The Pakistanis weren’t there then. 

The Indian smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech saying that Kashmir has been an integral part of India all along."

Banta becomes Mamaji!!

Banto had gone to her parents for a week.

So Banta started going to Santa's home for dinner.

For the first five days Santa's children welcomed him as Chachaji.

But on the sixth day, they called him Mamaji.

Banta asked them: "Earlier you welcomed me as Chachaji, why are you calling me Mamaji today?"

The children said: Uncle, when you came today, Papa said to Mummy, 'Phir aa gaya Sala!'

Santa goes to Astrologer!!

 Santa goes to see an astrologer.

Astrologer: You are the father of three children.

Santa: Oye Khote! I have four children.

Astrologer: That’s what you think!

Our Problem

Husband entered in a screwed face.

Then the following occurred between him and his wife:

Wife: Sweetheart, why are you looking so sad tonight?

Husband: Dear, I have a problem at my place of work.

Wife: Please don’t say you have a problem, you should say we have a problem because you are now me and I am now you, we are now married!!

 Husband: Okay, we have a problem at our place of work.

Wife: What is our new problem darling? Husband: We have impregnated our receptionist at work, and she is now pregnant for us.

The wife fainted…

Always carry your Burden!!

A man came back from church service, greeted his wife and entered into his room, a minute later he came back to lift her up and carries her all around the house.

The wife was in shock since such a thing happened last on their wedding day.

Then she asked happily: Sweetheart, did the pastor preached on being romantic today?

Out of breath the husband replied… “Not really, he only said we should always carry our burdens”

 The wife fainted…

Doctors must have an acute sense of observation!!

 A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."

At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.

He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them.

After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation...

I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."

Why Parents have Gray hair?

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child whispering,

"Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing very concerned especially as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"Honey, what is going on at your house?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed, whispering voice the child answered, "Some men in a hello-copper just landed and are looking around."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they looking for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "Me"

Why should you never date a tennis player?

Why should you never date a tennis player?

Because 'Love' means nothing to them.

CHALLANED!

 Santa was caught for speeding and was produced before the magistrate.

Magistrate: ‘What’ll you take? 30 days or Rs 3,000?’

Santa: ‘I think I’ll take the money.’

Santa feeling like a legislative body

 Santa: I’m feeling like a legislative body - Vidhan or Lok Sabha

Banta: What do you mean?

Santa: My stomach is upset.

Banta: What does your stomach have to do with Legislative Assemblies or Parliament?

Santa: I’m passing motion after motion.

Santa went to Chandigarh!!

 Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady. The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, ‘I want to see the view from the window.’

The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused. The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain. Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa’s ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.

Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: ‘Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.’

How to kill a lion?

 How can Santa kill a lion?

Santa thinks and thinks hard and comes to a conclusion: I’ll drink poison and let the lion eat me. O bolo ta ra ra